Someone That Always Tries To Be The Right One

Marriage, will I have that?  

Don’t be shocked first, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married, I am just wondering that will I choose to marry someone? With all that I did and things that I’ve been through, can I accept myself to be someone’s wife and mom?  When I will be ready for that? 

Yeah, two years ago I answered confidently that ‘I am ready to marry you’ to someone, then everything changes.  I change, people change, heart changes, the choice changes too.  I was dreaming to get married at 25 or 27, then going abroad with my husband to many countries, either to get our master degree or learn many cultures as many as we can, in the end we get back to Indonesia and directly do something to our country. 

Now, in condition I am going on 25 in the next 3 months, for having a relationship with someone is frighten me.  I have changed.  I was a sensitive person, too much feeling on certain things, especially when it speaks about love.  Today, I am careless with my own feeling; I oftentimes become INTP rather than INFP.

This Monday afternoon, when I went to my student’s home, we studied in the living room, I looked to the windows, saw his parent were having a conversation in the backyard, in a second I want to have that moment too.  For having someone to share even for tiny stupid things that happens and never get bored for how much annoying I am every day. 

But in the next second, they came in to the dining room; gather with their children, suddenly everything became chaos.  Getting married means to be quite ready for having unthinkable freak out moment every day as much as having beautiful moments that kill words to explain. 

I want to get married.  I just wonder when I will be ready for that.  My married friends told me their daily story with their husband, I frequently shocked that certain things still happen even when you already married with your loving husband.  In fact, your spouse habit will hurt you deeper than you think. 

Marriage doesn’t make your life easier; it will get harder every day if you don’t know how to enjoy it.  Marriage is a big commitment, a brave step, yet a beautiful decision too.  Marriage is not a happily ever after story, more like fighting to choose each other ever after, consistently, continuously. 

I haven’t married yet, but I know it won’t be easy as I thought; it will be harder than I thought; and last but not least, it will be always worth fighting for. 

As my friend said, ‘Mr. the right one never exists, Mr. ‘who always tries to be the right one’ does’.

Go wisely choosing ‘Mr. who always tries to be the right one’.

 

Yet be someone that always tries to be the right one first. 

To be someone that is worth fighting for and having someone that is worth fighting for, may be it will make marriage is easier to be worth fighting for.  Even though the storm comes, the heart is broken, disappointment hurts, you know the reason why it’s still worth fighting for and you keep fighting for him/her.