Officialy TWO Years

HEEE! Today I’ve officially been living in rural area for 2 years!!!

That’s an achievement for me as someone who had been growing up in several big cities before moving here.  I already wrote about how much I’ve been changed since I live here, I do many things that are out of my willingness before.  I use to eat fish! Not only eat but also learn to cook those fishes that used to be in my ‘dislike food’ list.  I am able to cook several recipes, willing to shower using unclear water, getting use to have no internet connections for weeks! Live without electricity for hours repeatedly, pay 3GB internet bills for 1 million rupiah, pay gasoline that is twice more expensive than normal price, daily buy frozen chicken from store when in Java no one buys ‘tiren’ (mati kemarin/died yesterday) chicken.  You can’t imagine how many times I miss the simple life that big cities offer me.  I can easily choose and order various foods with delicious taste and reliable price, a stable internet connection all day long, clear water to cook and shower, stores to repair every tool that is broken, coffee shops to hang out, stove that only have to turn on with a knob, public transportation that is available any time any place, what a simple life that I had been having but not realized before moving here. 

Do I regret? Yes, for being unthankful for that simple life.  But for experienced everything here? Oh absolutely I don’t have any regret for that.  It sounds more like I left a simple life to a simpler one.  It seems simpler because it feels like I’m going back to many years before where the high technology doesn’t appear yet.  So I have to go traditional market to buy groceries, I have to use traditional stove because there aren’t available gas to buy.  Sometimes I don’t know the update news out there because don’t have any internet connections (and it helps me so much to not judge anyone’s useless words that happen nowadays).  Instead of being busy share the news that is going on to make myself look smart in social media, I rather choose to keep being busy with my own life and what I have to do to reach my goals.  Limited access keep me to shut my mouth and hold my fingers to type from judging others.  Limited access for everything makes me willing to wake up early just to cook for my breakfast and lunch, buy grocery after working, plan what I want to cook for today, what I have to buy for making those menus, manage time to work, teach, play badminton, cook, study for getting the scholarship, socialize, and still have time for myself (this one is hard).  

24 hours a day doesn’t feel enough for my daily routine here.  So many things to do yet I want to have many time for myself either (introvert’s problem Haha!)

I can’t tell how many experiences that I have, been working in finance scope make me understand to do reconciliation bank when I felt it was so confusing in college, doing the actual audit is much better than reading all the theory and understand that.  Besides that, I know it’s exhausting to be a teacher and housewife.  It’s soooo hard to be a teacher! A lesson plan, huh, what a task.  I know it helps you so much, but … yaah don’t copy me, I’m a terrible teacher.  Luckily I am a private teacher, I can’t imagine if I have to manage a class every day.  Teachers are really heroes!  Last year, one of my students couldn’t read yet, so I focused to teach her in reading, it was hard, really hard for me.  I almost yelled at her sometimes because she couldn’t remember what I said in million times, but it really paid off one day when she started reading by herself.  It felt like finally found your sole-mate (I don’t find yet, but I think the feeling will be like that, sort of).  That ‘finally’ moment is so priceless! Can’t imagine my children’s moment, oh the imagination is already too far.  A housewife, yeaah I’m not married yet, but I am that close with my neighbor, a man next door.  To be healthier (not really) and minim the expense (this is the reason), we share the food cost together.  So we cook and buy grocery almost every day.  I cook at his house then we eat together, but you know men, they are not as sensitive as women.  They keep being busy with their own and sometimes don’t notice they only have to wash the dishes (okay, not all men), so many times I want to yell ‘Do I have to do all of this alone? I just ask you to wash the dishes, I already buy the grocery and cook, and can you just help me to wash those things? It helps me soooo much! I have my own things too to be done, not only serve you to have a food to be eaten.’  Yeah sorry, but they are words in my head when I see the dishes stay cool in their place for 3 days.  He’s not my husband and I’m not his wife either, so I just act calm then yell (a little bit) at him.  Sometimes he buys the groceries and washes the dishes too, and I’m so thankful when he is doing that.  All the chaos moments help me to wonder what a marriage life looks alike.  It’s not a happily ever after as a fairytale said (I already wrote about this one).  This habit lead me to understand why my mom was so mad when she came home and saw everything wasn’t changing at all since morning, the dishes, things in living room, dirty floor, and anything else.  She was already tired of working then she had to work again at home with no one noticed to help her. We won’t understand people’s reaction before we experience it by ourselves first.  I need to see these characters in choosing my spouse, I think.  Ah! I play badminton too here, yeah I’m not a good player though but I play it twice a week.  And I accidentally join photographer community, not in purpose honestly.  But it takes me to many beautiful places and know many good people, no regrets! 

I level up! I’m not comparing my life with others, I won’t be satisfied then.  I’m comparing with my own, am I better or worse? Am I upgrading or downgrading myself?  Yah, I think I know the answer, experiences that I explained above is the process that shapes who I am today.  I haven’t been wasting my time here; somehow we don’t realize we are on processing room until we finished to be processed.  We keep being processed until we die.  After finishing one stage, we move in to another room and are being processed again.  Like trekking a mountain, it’s always facing the uphill to reach the summit, and not only one summit, more like millions!  When we want to give up, look back and see how many uphill we have faced.  We get use to face the uphill, we’re already trained without noticing that.  I’m in processing room right now, we are!  But I don’t know where this room leads me and what process is happening.  Someday, I will notice that for sure.  I’m only sure that I’m being processed to be a better version of myself today, because HE is the one who is shaped me in processing room.  

Happy anniversary for me! HAHA :))